Sex earthquake rocks quiet village

I made love to myself

– while I watched

A 42-year-old man has revealed how he made love to himself while his wife slept nearby.

And Reginald Thompson has stunned neighbours in the quiet village of Banwell with his saucy revelations. “He seemed so quiet,” one neigbour told us last night.


Reg’s sexy frolics with himself began one night in 1986 after he had spent a quiet evening at home with his wife, Carol. “Carol had gone to bed early and I was alone on the settee" he told us. “I’d had a few drinks and was feeling very relaxed. The next thing I knew I felt my hand on my shoulder. Seconds later I was rolling around naked on the floor with myself. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world.”

Village torn apart by torrid sex tornado

Reg began to have regular solo sex sessions whenever his wife was out of the house. “One minute I’d be in the garden mowing the lawn, and the next minute I’d be in the shed, fondling my own buttocks,” he revealed.

Passion volcano erupts showering village with red hot love lava

On one occasion, Reg sat and watched while he made love to himself. “I’d just drunk a bottle of Vodka and was feeling uninhibited. I sat and watched myself in the mirror. It was a fantastic experience, although I had a headache afterwards.” Soon Reg was having sex with himself up to three or four times a week. “Sometimes I would just sit in the cupboard under the stairs with my hand on my knee. At other times, I would roll around on the carpet in front of the fire for hours on end. On one occasion, I even knocked the coffee table over and spilt a glass of wine. I only just managed to clean it up before my wife got home.”


Locals at the Kings Head Hotel only 200 yards from the Thompson’s semi-detached house, were shocked when they heard of Reg’s steamy sex sessions. “He seemed so quiet,” one customer told us.

From Viz, issue 37, 1989

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