Chain Letters

If you’re a man!


Anaesthetize your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton (don’t forget some ventilation holes) and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post.

Statistically, among those women, will be at least:

In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.


One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the same accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he’d been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter). While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages.


This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women). No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement. Do not hesitate... send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.

Simon Weston
August 2004

PS. Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner; one of the other women that arrives will know how to use it.

PPS. This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake.

Two older, rather more serious, chain letters follow:

Question 1: What do the two letters below have in common?
Answer: Both are eloquent, persuasive and convincing but self-contradictory and wrong in every significant respect.

Question 2: How are the two letters different?
Answer: The first one was sent by email in November 1999 and the second was printed in the Sunday Times on October 6, 1996.

I do not know most of the people listed below. I do know and trust Jose Garcia and Joe Johnson in the spirit of exploring the impact of technology’s potential to benefit education and educators I’m passing on the original message which is:

Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet company and in an effort make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test. When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it (if you are a Microsoft Windows user) for a two week time period. For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $245.00, for every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it, you will be paid $241.00.

Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you for your address and then send you a check. I thought this was a scam myself, but two weeks after receiving this e-mail and forwarding it on, Microsoft contacted me for my e-mail and within days, I received a check for $24,800.00.

You need to respond before the beta testing is over. If anyone can afford this Bill Gates is the man. It’s all marketing expense to him.

Do Well!!!

Donna J. Perkins
Executive Director of Special Populations and Federal Programs Management
416 Glendale Street
Burkburnett, TX 76354
940-569-1852 FAX 940-569-4776

We are delighted that the Labour party has voted for legislation to make it a criminal offence to deny the Holocaust (News, last week).

The Board of Deputies believes that the unique nature of the Holocaust justifies exceptional measures to prevent the wilful and malicious falsification of history by neo-Nazi supporters. No other historical event is denied in this way. Denial forms part of a political agenda which regards the Holocaust as a Jewish fabrication calculated to gain the sympathy of the world.

Post-war societies have a duty to resist Nazism in all its guises and to reinforce the message to future generations. Holocaust denial is a spurious trap. It has no redeeming merit. Nor is the well-being of society improved by allowing neo-Nazi sympathisers the freedom to abuse and insult one particular group.

Governments have always recognised that no society can allow absolute freedom of expression. Holocaust denial is unlikely to be curbed through simple condemnation or debate: indeed, argument will lend Holocaust deniers a credibility which they would otherwise lack. Parliament should recognise the harm caused by Holocaust denial and support the creation of a specific criminal offence.

Neville Nagler
Chief Executive
Board of Deputies of British Jews
London WC1

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