MILLIONS 'BORED' TO DEATH IN BBC SHOCK-HOLOCAUST
By Our Media Staff LOUIS BELLSEN and ART BUCHENWALD
WARNING: Many of the paragraphs which follow are of a deeply tasteless and disgusting nature. Some people may wish to leave the page at this point. Now read on:-
Millions of innocent men, women and children were last week systematically bored to death in one of the most shocking crimes in television history, it emerged in London today.
Eyewitnesses told of whole families being herded into their sitting rooms, where lethal "TV screens" were switched on by high-ranking BBC officials.
Within minutes the victims had been asphyxiated by a deadly double-stream of tastelessness and boredom, manufactured in canisters by a US company specialising in toxic substances.
The so-called 'final solution' to the problem of the BBC's falling ratings was put into effect with typical British efficiency.
The programme was carried out by Obergruppenfuhrer Ian Treblinka and his team over a four day period, in nightly bursts of two hours. At the end of this time, not a single viewer was left alive.
BBC Third Pogrom
The story of the crime that has shocked the world goes back some three years, when a group of then wholly unknown film-makers met in Hollywood, USA, to discuss ways of 'cleaning up' on the 'Jewish problem.' Their plan was to transport countless millions of dollars from the hands of unsuspecting TV companies into their own pockets.
In the words of one of the men most closely involved, Mr Sam Wanamakerlottamoney, "The lesson of history is clear, and the lesson of the fantastic rating notched up by such historical series as 'Washington Behind Closed Doors' is even clearer.
"To clean up, we realised that what was required was something that had never been done before i.e. to turn mass-killing into mass-entertainment.
Close Encounters of the Third Reich
"We picked on the well-loved old story of Hitler killing the Jews for two reasons:
"1. It is good box-office.
"2. There is a lot of old footage of the real thing which saved us having to build a life-size replica of Auschwitz, and hiring 200,000 starving actors of which there are not many around these days, owing to Social Security, the affluent society and the worldwide availability of Col. Saunders nourishing but tasteless Kosher Chicken Legs."
From Sueburger, Grabbitburger & Runnburger, Attorneys-at-Law, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Private Eye, p. 12, issue 437, 15 September 1978