Dear loyal members (all 113 of you),

The BNP Health and Safety Division wish to draw you attention to a matter of the utmost gravity.

A large number of items have been distributed by post to members of organisations claiming to be the BNP, variously known as the Griffinite BNP, the Real BNP, the BNP Mothers’ Union, the Really Real BNP, the BNP Friends of Israel and the BNP Greater Israel Movement.

These items bear a Hull PO Box number return address – DO NOT OPEN. They can be disposed of by digging a 6ft hole at the bottom of the garden. Hurl the suspect package into the hole, douse liberally with accelerant and ignite. Take care to stand well back!

If you are unfortunate enough to open the package – do not read it or touch it except with the aid of a shovel, mask and two pairs of rubber gloves. The Sheeple should be shredded, vigorously stamped on and incinerated. However, the preferred method would be to contact the authorities – tell them you have been held captive by a group dressed in Ku Klux Klan regalia or SS uniforms and forced to recite items from the Sheeple over a megaphone outside your local synagogue, mosque or Buddhist temple.

In the event of accidentally touching the Sheeple, DO NOT PANIC, take deep breaths and recite the following mantra:– “There is no Jewish conspiracy.” Now repeat after me:– “There is no Jewish conspiracy,” “There is no Jewish conspiracy,” “There is no Jewish conspiracy”... Secondly report to your local hospital for decontamination – a specialist team of rabbis and race commissioners will treat you. The Sheeple has been imbued with very powerful hallucinogenic substances by a team of mad scientists and ultra-skinheads and is liable to induce psychotic episodes in most goy, amalek... I mean people. You are most likely to experience irrational symptoms of amusement if you are criminally stupid enough to actually read the content of the Sheeple – in which case you will be removed for your own safety to a closed ward in hospital. You may find the other patients a little intimidating at first – they foam at the mouth a bit and howl when there is a full moon, but we assure you they are quite harmless. Be careful of their claws though.

The perpetrator of this outrage is the soi-disant Sheeple herder – one Simon Sheppard, who is known by a number of aliases, the only printable ones being Shepherd, Norris Bloodaxe and Simon Thane of Eldorado. He was confidante to Rasputin and subsequently to Pol Pot, General Noriega, Saddam Hussein and is currently policy adviser to al-Qaeda. He may be identified by a couple of strange affectations – he smokes roll-up cigarettes in public places, thus endangering the health and safety of the nation, and wears a row of shrunken heads round his waist. He was originally an inhabitant of a kingdom situated on the edge of rationality. [Are you sure? – ed.]

Thank you for your continued support and remember, Big Sister is watching you.

The BNP legal advisory team, which is drawn from communities of all faiths, has been investigating the implications of the Political Parties, Elections and Referendums Act 2000, existing Race Acts and the proposed new Religious Act. I would like to summarise their findings.

We concluded that there are only three possible courses of action.

A) We can visit Stonehenge at midnight on Walpurgis night, attired in full SS or Klan regalia, stand on our heads and whistle Dixie backwards three times. This will, needless to say, require the support of local branches, who would meet at the intersection of the nearest ley-lines while simultaneously performing the same ritual in Unison.

B) Secondly we can create inter-dimensional gateways and travel to a more friendly planet – preferably not more than 100,000 light-years away.

C) Thirdly, Jewish and black race advisors, under the supervision of local illuminati, should be put in charge of the re-education of reactionary BNP members – the “dead wood” responsible for institutional racism at branch level. The BNP advisory council (almost all of whom are in my employ) will also, in order to fully comply with the law, henceforth be known as the Central Committee or Praesidium.

Option A will appeal to traditionalists in the party, but is not a realistic option for most people. Option B is superficially attractive, but this is an expensive and time-consuming business and could prove impractical to those members lacking a basic understanding of higher-dimensional physics or engineering skills. Option C would comply with the spirit (or zeitgeist, as we cockneys call it) of the law at present, and is the most attractive choice. However, it could prove controversial, as some members still harbour foolish hankerings for freedom of thought and expression, so we will leave this measure until next year.

On further consideration, by a brilliant leap of inductive reasoning, we derived a far more radical proposal – one that is unassailable in its pristine logic. Ethnic minorities, be they Sikhs, Hindus, blacks, coloureds, Inuit, African bushmen, Australian aborigines or whatever, can all join their own, their very own, BNP. They will, of course, never want to come to local ‘mainstream’ branch meetings or complain to the CRE about race discrimination, but will instead go to their own branch meetings, however far away they are held. Also if anyone thinks they are BNP then they are BNP and if anyone thinks they are party officials or national chairman, then in a very real and meaningful sense they are party officials or national chairman.

I trust we have made ourselves clear to even the most mentally challenged amongst you and that you can all see, however dimly, that there is no other way forward.

May the Force be with you and a very happy Easter (Passover) to you all.